Husband-
When I got mad at you, you never fight back, How do you control your
anger?
Wife- I clean the toilet.
Husband-How does that help?
Wife- I use your toothbrush |
|
Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll
kill u. |
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Husband: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Wife: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
|
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Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second
woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
|
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Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you
start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early & found a cigarette butt
in the ashtray.
|
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"Will the father be present during the birth?"
asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."
|
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A recent study showed that the average husband
only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say
"Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?
|
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The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed
a familiar face at the bar.
"Honey," she said as she pointed the guy out, "That guy at the bar has
been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much!"
|
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Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked,
"What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
|
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Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!
|
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Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude
how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.
|
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Prof teaching muscle movement, asks a lady: Do
you know what your asshole does when you have an orgasm?
Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!
|
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The young couple were holding hands in the
Nudist camp.
Guy: When I tell you I love you why do you always lower your eyes?
Girl answered shyly: To see if it's true
|
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Wife, stark naked, stands on her head in bed.
Husband: What the hell are you doing?
Wife: I figured if you can't get it up, you could surely drop it in.
|
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After great sex, she lies there stroking his
penis.
He asks: Do you want more sex?
She says: No. Just admiring your penis. I used to have one just like it.
|
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Doctor: Do you watch your husband's face during
sex?
Preeto: I did once & saw anger.
Doctor: Why
Preeto: Because he was watching from the window.
|
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Husband : If I sleep with your best friend what
will be the first thought to cross your mind?
Wife: That you are a homosexual.
|
|
| The difference between your girlfriend & your
wife: Your girlfriend touches your hair, your cock stands! Your wife
touches your cock, your hair stands!
|
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What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every
woman to satisfy his one need.
|
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Husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the
landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife
told a neighbour.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"Ya I did... I paid up for six months!"
|
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What did the stockbroker’s wife tell her husband
when she cheated on him?
A: “Honey, I’ve gone public.”
|
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A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife
after sex?
A: He replied, "Depends, if I can find a phone."
|
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| Husband was in pain as a honeybee bite at his
penis, wife pray o god please take the pain away but leave the swelling.
|
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An old man married a young girl. On their
wedding night, he showed five fingers to his young wife.
Young girl: " 5 times!?!"
Old man: "No dear, choose which one do you prefer to start with?"
|
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Judge: You want to divorce your husband for
threatening you with a deadly weapon?
Wife: You got me wrong your honor. I'm divorcing him for threatening me
with every night with a dead weapon. |
|
Husband: I fancy kinky sex, how about I cum in
your ear?
Wife: No, I might go deaf!
Husband: I have been cumin in ur mouth for 15 years & ur still fuckin
talking. |
|
Sometimes I call my husband 'Q'," the wife told
her friend.
Her friend asked: Why's that? Is he some kinda superguy like that man on
Star Trek?
No, he's a big fat zero with a little dick hangin' down. |
|
Dentist didnt get erection on wedding night so
he used finger.
Wife: What's this?
Nothing honey, just a temporary filling. |
|
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine
when the husband said: I bet you can't tell me something that will make
me feel happy and sad at the same time.
The wife thought for a few moments, then said: Your penis is bigger than
your Friends. |
|
| Every married man keeps wondering every evening:
Should I go out and look at what I cannot fuck or....Stay home and fuck
what I cannot look at.... |
|
| Sex n shopping have one thing in common: In both
the cases, men start sweating in 15 minutes n women want to go on and on
and on and on! |
|
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic
sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years. |
