| Jokes |
| A lady gave an advertisement in the classifieds : "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have mine." |
| A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." |
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Baker (to a lady customer) : Madam, shall I cut the cake
into 6 or 12 pieces. Lady : No, cut it into 4 pieces only. I am on dieting. |
| A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire." |
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She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange
juice box because it said "concentrate." She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to 'Make Up Her Mind'. |
| She took a ruler to bed to see 'how long she slept'. |
| The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. |
| How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. |
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Man : "Where do you want to go for
our Anniversary ?" Wife : "Somewhere I have never been !" Man : "How about the kitchen ?" |
| The girl asked her boy
friend, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring ? " "Sure, why not" replied her lover "What's your phone number ? " |
| If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. |
| If
your dog barking at the back Door and your Wife knocking at the front
door who would you let in first ? The Dog, because dog will shut up once he is in. |
| Santo
: Banto, You are looking different today. Banto : Yes, Doctor has asked me to loose some weight. Santo : So have you lost. Banto : Yes, I have stop putting my make up. |
| What is the difference
between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. |
| The Latest News - Today some scientists in the India revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 420 bottles of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive ! |
| Thief
: Quickly hand over your purse I have a gun. Lady : Here take it. Thief : Ha! Ha! No bullets in my gun. Lady : Ha! Ha! No Money in my purse. |
| A boy 20 Yrs old married a 65 yr. old woman. After staying together for a week the boy died because he Drank Expired Milk. |
| A wife, one evening, drew
her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see
that couple? How devoted they are ? He kisses her every time they meet. Why
don't you do that?" "I would love to do that," replied the husband, "but the problem is -- she won't allow me". |
| At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes,I am, I married the wrong man." |
| The man approached a very
beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've
lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of
minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere." |
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Here are only a few things that Men wish Women would Understand Try and understand this. Sometimes, we are NOT thinking about you. If you think you are fat, No, we do not know what day it is. We
will never know. Our relationship is never going to be like it was Crying is blackmailing. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," Anything we said - 6 or 8 months ago, is inadmissible in an argument. When we have to go somewhere, If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one : Most Men own three pairs of shoes. YES or NO are perfectly acceptable A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. If something we said can be interpreted
in TWO WAYS, Beer is as exciting for us as We are not mind readers and we never will be. |
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Some Things Only Women can understand .... Intricate Facial expressions of a Cat. The need for the same style of shoe in different colors. Countless number of clothes. The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell. Romantic stuff like Over Sentimental Cards and Flower buds. |
| Analysing words said by Women | |
| What Women Say | What they really Mean |
| Do you love me ? | I'm going to ask for something expensive |
| Do what you want | You'll have to pay for this later |
| We need to talk | I need to Complain |
| We Need it | I Want it |
| Did you like this recipe ? | This is easy to Prepare, so better get used to it |
| This kitchen is so inconvenient | I want a new house and furniture |
| You must to learn to communicate | Just agree with me |
| We need to talk | I need to complain |
| I'll be ready in a minute | Take off your shoes and relax, I need some more time |
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What do Womens personal ads actually mean
Average looking... ugly. Athletic... flat-chested. Beautiful... pathological liar. Well Educated... college dropout. Weight proportional to height... hugely fat. Widow... nagged first husband to death. |
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| The man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING, The woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS. The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP. The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP. The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS, The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY. The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD, The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET. The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE, The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE. The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY, The woman discovered MONEY and that's when it all messed up.. |
| Q: Judge : Kya aap apne safai me kuch kehna hai > A: Criminal : ji haan - main Rexona se natha hoon,Ariel se kapda wash > karta hoon |
| Love letter My Dear FAIR & LOVELY (EK TUKUDA CHAND KA), You are my TVS SCOOTY (First Love) and also my AIWA (PURE PASSION). I always BPL (Believe in best) and you are SANSUI (Better than best). You are MC DOWEL'S (Mera number one) love LA OPALA (Made for one). I believe in FRESHIYA (Gorapan se jyada khoobsurti ka wada) and you are one of the most Beautiful in this world. I think of you day and night when you give me one and only Smile. You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a Million of smile per day) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh) feeling for me. I would like you should be my life partner. I think you are worried about your Father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The unshakeble) and also think of my Father who is CEAT (Born tough) but don't worry I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The coolest ones). If they will say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Lets make things better). They will feel MIRINDA (Jor ka jatka dhire se laghe) and we COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho Jaye Coca Cola enjoy). Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) those who love each other. And we are Wills (Made for each Other). After some time, our love will be SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Invited by all). We will be HERO HONDA (Leading the way) of our love life. Then our life is BOLERO (Break free). Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (The real test of life), SATYAM ON LINE (Fun fast easy), PARX (always comfortable) and also AMUL (The real taste of India). For me, HOME TRADE (Life means more). So never forget me. Ok bye! I wrote little but PEPSI (Ye dil mange More). |
| Funny Shayari Jise dil diya woh dilli chali gayi Jise pyar kiya woh italy chali gayi Dil ne kaha khud kushi(sucide) kar le jalim Bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi TERI JULF HAI YA ANDHERI RAAT KA SAAYA TERI JULF HAI YA ANDHERI RAAT KA SAAYA SAR MUNDWA LE TO SAVERA HO JAI. Kaaash ke tere chehre par Chickenpox ke daag hote..... Kaaash ke tere chehre par chickenpox ke daag hote..... Chand to tu hai hi ..sitaare bhee saaath hote ladka bola : kash ein hasinao ke baap mar jate, bahana gam ka hota, hum inke ghar to jaate. Ladki boli: Bewkoof, Yeh bolana bhi paap hoga, kisi din tu bhi kisi hasina ka baap hoga. Ladki boli: Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi, Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaaron se nahi. Ladka bola : Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga? Mohabbat agar ek se hogi to hazaron ka kya hoga? |
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